


That's Impossible

by thebiwriter



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiwriter/pseuds/thebiwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An even more emotionally destructive re imagining of when Alison learns of Beth’s death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Impossible

_Beth is dead. Beth is dead._

No matter how many times Alison repeats it to herself, it doesn’t seem real.

“Beth is… dead?” She repeats shakily, looking into the drifter’s eyes, begging her to take it back, to let Alison’s world continue on.

“Yeah,” the woman repeats in her thick British accent, “I’m Sarah Manning, I was there when she-“

“Killed herself?” Alison chokes out, dropping the knife in her hand. It hits the floor, pinning itself just three inches from Sarah’s foot.

“Holy shit! What the bloody ‘ell is wrong with you!”

“She’s dead!” Alison shrieks, her face contorting into a mask of pain and anguish, tears streaming down her face. “Beth Childs wouldn’t do that.” Beth wouldn’t do this to her.

“Look, I’m- I’m sorry for your loss ‘n everythin’, but-“

“Shut up! Shut up for ten damn minutes for the love of God!” Alison kicks the table, sending the orange slices flying. “She’s not dead! You’re lying, you’re a liar.” Alison rips the blade out of the floor and points it at Sarah, pushing her into the wall.

“What did you do to her?” Alison demands, pushing the knife into Sarah’s sleeve.

“Let go of me, you crazy bitch!” Sarah screams, pushing Alison off of her. Alison lands on her shoulder, pain shooting down her arm. She stands up shakily and gasps in pain. “I’m sorry.” She manages to choke out before running out of the shed. Alison runs to her car and starts the engine. She reaches up and touches the pink necklace that Beth had gotten for her last Christmas. Beth wouldn’t be with her this Christmas. Hell, she won’t even have another Christmas. Or another birthday, or Halloween, or- stop that. Alison, you need to stop. Around ten minutes later, she realizes what she’d forgotten Fiddlesticks! Gemma and Oscar! Aynsley can get them. Alison parks her car in the driveway, stumbling through the door.

“Donnie?” She calls out hesitantly. “Are you home?” She waits a moment for a reply before remembering he had gone to a work conference. She tosses her purse on the couch and rushes to her bedroom. She pulls a small metal box from her dresser and pulls from it a small picture of her and Beth out on the range. Alison hugs the picture to her chest and wipes the tears from her eyes. She’s remembered how Beth had joked about Alison’s worst nightmare would probably be a world without a lady grip.

Beth would never go to the gun range with her ever again or go to the movies or on a date or to work or to her house-

“Stop it, Alison.” She scolds, gently tapping herself. “Don’t torture yourself like this.”

You can make the pain go away. I’ve got enough pills to rival the pharmacy. All it would take was one extra pill. One extra 50-milligram pill and I could be free. Alison shakes her head. She couldn’t commit suicide, not with Oscar, Gemma, and Donnie. She stands and stretches, irritating her shoulder. Taking her pink clone phone and putting it on the charger in her bathroom, Alison looks for the heating pad. How long has it been since that pink phone of hers died? A week? Two? She grabs the heating pad out from under the sink and then lies down on her bed, dialing up Aynsley on her normal cell.

“Aynsley?” She chokes out.

“Alison? Are you alright?” Aynsley’s voice comforted her. It was soft and kind, a welcomed change after the news Alison had been given.

“Honestly, Aynsley, I’ve had a terrible day. I don’t really want to get into it, I was just hoping if you could take Gemma and Oscar home after practice for me.”

“Of course.” Aynsley says. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No thank you. Good-” Alison’s thought was cut off by a quiet cellular ping. _That’s odd. No body texts me on that phone, just calls and voicemails._ Usually if someone leaves a voicemail on the pink cell, it was important.

“Goodbye.” She finishes and hangs up the call. She walks into her bathroom and checks her pink cellphone, gasping when she sees the screen. It was a voicemail from Beth. Alison felt tears well up in her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. As soon as she presses play, the tears started falling.

“Alison,” Beth’s voice was desperate, begging for her to pick up. “Alison Hendrix, I am so sorry. I can’t stress that enough. I am so, so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking take all this bullshit with Paul and the shooting anymore. I’m going to do it this time. I’m at the train station and I… I love you, Alison. I didn’t mean to fall for you, it just happened. You were the only good thing in my life for so long. What I’m try to get out. I don’t want you to blame yourself. This is all on me, Ali, all on me.” There’s a long pause before Beth continues. “I love you so much. Please, don’t be angry with me. I hope you can understand. Cañar, lady grip.” The voicemail ends.

Alison drops to her knees and, letting out an anguished wail, she throws the cell at the wall, breaking the flip phone at its hinge.

“No!” She yells, pounding at the floor. “No, no, no, no!”

Alison falls to her side and lets out another scream. “Beth.” She mouths, the lump in her throat making it impossible to speak.

She shakily gets up and falls face down on her bed. Her mind begins to wander. _Why would she do this to me? How could she do this?_ Her questions were left unanswered, the indisputable fact staring into her. Elizabeth Anne Childs, the woman she loves, is dead and she isn’t ever coming back.


End file.
